Garden Variety Family

positive adoption news

I hope everyone had a great holiday weekend.  Hubby and I were canoing for a few hours in the pouring rain with a fidgety extra adult in our boat who's klutziness tipped us over into the cold creek.  It was great!  The friend is banned from our boat from now on!

Anyway, I thought I would link again to our local news' continued reporting on adoption.  This week the topic was domestic vs. international adoption.  Our social worker was interviewed for this piece.  The beautiful White family that we met a while ago was the family featured in the piece.  Check it our here.

Little Lea on the swing came home about a year ago. 

calendar kickoff

It would help if I would let ya'll know the first theme for the calendar!  I forgot to publish it!

January • Celebrating a New Year 

So, this doesn't need to be pictures of everyone celebrating with party hatted heads and noise makers in hand.  It could be Anniversaries of any kind.  Consider Chinese New Year celebrations, Birthday celebrations, Family Day or Gotcha Day or Adoption Day celebrations all of these mark a new year for someone,  I can't wait to see whatcha got!   It's easy Submit today!

From now through the beginning of November, I will post a new theme every other week on Sundays. 

introducing...

The Garden Variety Family Calendar!

Here it is: my big idea for celebrating diversity within families.   

I think we can agree that all families are diverse.  We have different personalities, interests, careers, habits, strengths, weaknesses. I think this is why we have children, to watch and encourage new people to grow and blossom into unique human beings.  The diversity of some families is just more visually obvious than others.  I have been thinking ahead to when my daughter from China finally comes home.  I want to do my best to make her feel like she belongs in our family, that she matches.  Please see this  post for why I use these terms.  I always have one eye out for opportunities and instances where I can celebrate, educate and enlighten myself and maybe others, to the beauty of all families regardless of how they are composed. 

According to the 2000 US Census about 14% of all marriages in the US are interracial unions, that's about 300,000 couples.   I've recently seen another statistic bouncing around lately, according to the Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute, 1 in 6 people are touched by adoption, that doesn't mean they are necessarily part of the adoption triad but they could be grandparents, close friends, siblings, etc.  Children are joining their families from all corners of the globe.  American families and families all over the world are becoming more and more ethnically diverse.

Everyday we are barraged by various kinds of media: books, commercials, print advertising, television shows, product labels etc.  Since, 9/11 we have seen increasing racial diversity represented in the media.  I think this is great, but you rarely see diversity within families depicted.  Families are almost always portrayed as being all one race or another. 

I don't think we can argue about how affected we are by various media and our children more so.  Children are one of the largest marketing target out there.  I know how the media can affect my self image, why else did I follow fashion trends as horrendous as bell bottoms, tube tops, layered socks and leg warmers etc. :)  We are surrounded by images everyday, everywhere.  Marketing and advertising can be quite subtle in how they affect our attitudes and opinions, often we don't even realize they are affecting us. 

There are books out there with cute illustrations that are about adoption and diversity.  As a graphic designer and book publisher, I want to create books for my daughter that are illustrated with ethnically diverse families that aren't about ethnic diversity. For now I've decided that I would use my talents to create a calendar full of pictures of families, more specifically, diverse families, families created through interracial unions and adoption, foster families, single parent families, etc.   A calendar came to mind because it is something we look at everyday, they are great teaching tools for our children and could be a place where our children would be exposed to images of all kinds of families on a daily basis, subtly affecting what our children view as "normal".  Let's face it children can be mean and not subtle when they discover someone who is perceived as not like everyone else--check out this movie clip here.  (It breaks my heart to see intense pain from childhood endure into adulthood.)  As an adoptive parent I feel I have a responsibility to understand my child's experience as a human being and this is my attempt to help breed acceptance and understanding in all children.   By creating positive daily images of family diversity in everyday situations like any other family, I want all people who see it to be reminded that a family is merely a group of people who live together and love each other, period.  Maybe it will help curb some of this insensitivity before it starts and legitimize all of our childrens' places in their families.

How You Can Help  Since this is a calendar I want to also use it as a way to celebrate the birth culture of our children, our American culture, and our family culture.  In order to do all this I need  pictures of real families, normal everyday families, diverse families--I NEED YOU! and people you know.  I am looking for families willing to submit family photos and suggestions for world holidays to be featured in the Garden Variety Family Calendar.  If your family fits the pink definition above please submit a photo to reinforce the beauty of all families.

I feel that unless we start exemplifying diversity in all aspects of life, not as exceptions to rules, my child or any other child may feel like they don't match.  I never want that to happen.  And for children who are not from visually diverse families it would be great for them to see that a family manifests in so many ways and our modern culture is impacted by all cultures of the world. I want to raise my children to be so much more than tolerant. 

oh what fools these mortals be!

I happened to be skimming through TV channels a few months ago and came across a show called Runway Moms, it is about pregnant models. The model being featured had a mixed race baby, a gorgeous little girl who's skin was much darker than her mother's.  She was taking her daughter to a photo shoot.  She commented that she and her daughter don't get work together because they don't match.  THEY DON'T MATCH!!  YOU HAVE TO BE KIDDING ME, THEY ARE MOTHER AND DAUGHTER, THEY BELONG TOGETHER!  Come on, everyday we hear about the "global economy", tourism is at it's peak, diversity training is becoming part of school curriculums and business trainings, this country was founded on welcoming all.  So why in the media do we not portray human families?  It isn't about race it is about people. Even a mother in the liberal world of show business/modeling is being denied the legitimacy of her relationship with HER OWN BABY.  It is time to change this ridiculous notion.

Something else that blew me away was that one adoption agency that we considered using for our adoption used photos of families with children in their literature.  All the families depicted were same race families.  I thought this was a bit strange coming from an international adoption agency.  While shopping a couple days later I noticed the same photo that appeared in Holt International's literature also appeared on an advertisement for Clorox bleach!  Obviously they purchased stock photos for their pamphlets. (I am in no way making a negative statement about Holt--they are a reputable adoption agency who basically started the concept of international adoption, I have the utmost respect for them) So this means you can't even find trans-racial relationships depicted in stock photos!  This is so weird to me.

I am including another clip from Adopted: The Movie.  This clip drives home for me why I want to launch the project I've been talking about for the last week or so.  Oh, how I cried for Jen in the movie, I can only imagine how I will cry for my own daughter if this happens to her too.  I have listened to the same stories from my husband.  He still endures some of these narrow minded comments today.  I want to try help make a better world for my daughter to be in when she gets here.  I hope my project will help bring awareness to all kinds of families and the individuals that make them up.  My project is the celebration of the Garden Variety Family.  Please come by tomorrow to see what I have planned.  (I really don't mean to be so secretive but I am trying to get all my ducks in a row, so I am ready.  There have been a lot of unforeseen details that I have had to attend to).

extra! extra! read all about it!

Positive adoption stories in the news--No hype, No scandal No sensationalism!  Thanks to our local news station and Kevin Doran, our local News 8 anchor, who is adopted himself we have had some all encompassing reports on adoption.  You can read and watch past and future segments here.

The series of reports on adoption has been running every Tuesday night.  It has been a great series covering all facets of adoption featuring Adoption Resource Network at Hillside: Family of Agencies, the wonderful organization that has prepared Steve and I for our adoption.  I think it is a great series for anyone to see, as it raises awareness and everyones' level of consciousness to the need for, and beauty of adoption.  Adoption is as just as natural way to add to your family as giving birth and should be viewed as a viable option for anyone who wants to add children to their families. 

Lisa Maynard who is the head of Adoption Resource Network (ARN), and is interviewed in several of the segments, is knowledgeable and has an infectious enthusiasm for adoption.  She was invaluable to us as she presented the challenges and rewards of adoption and parenting. 

I can't watch the segments without a tissue box nearby.  It reminds me of the amazing path I am on and that I am proud to be a part of the adoption triad.   I'll end with a quote from one of the news segments.  When asked what a family was, a young interviewee said, "a family is a group of people who live together and love each other".  Enough said.  It is simple enough for a child to figure out.  As adults we should strive to be so intuitive.  It doesn't matter how your family is configured or what the members look like, or what their abilities are -- if you are together, caring for each other, then that union should be recognized and celebrated as a normal garden variety family.  All this is a natural lead-in to my project that I will be launching very, very soon (I promise!).  Stay tuned and read more about my definition of a  Garden Variety Family here.

asian american heritage day

Sunday we went to the Asian Pacific Heritage family day at our art gallery.  As we go there we were going over the program to figure out where to go.  Steven pointed out that our local chapter of FCC-Families with Children from China was represented and that they were going to be performing some traditional Chinese dances.  As soon as I heard FCC I got choked up from out of the blue.  My eyes misted over and I couldn't read the page.  This was almost the first time that I internalized the fact that we will be there someday--someday we will have OUR daughter from China, we'll be FCC members and maybe she will be learning these dances, dancing with girls like her at the museum.  I took pictures like they were my own children.  They were precious, they were beautiful and I was so proud of them, proud that I will be a mother one day.  My physique may not show it, but I can feel motherhood rising up in me.  This event really brought that out for me. I can't write this without crying, I can barely see the keys.  I was planning on just posting the pictures...Here they are:

These are the older girls from the Rochester chapter of FCC .  They did a beautiful ribbon dance.  I was enchanted.

These are the younger girls from FCC.  They we so darling and such beautiful costumes!  There was also dancing from Chinese Arts Academy, Filipino American Association, Indonesian Dance of Rochester, Rochester Chinese School.  We missed seeing the Indian folk dancing and the Vietnamese dancing. 
  Members of the Chinese Dance Academy company dancing with giant elegant fans. 

Continue for more great pictures

contemporary asian experience

As an independent movie buff, a big fan of documentary films and an adoptive mom-to-be of a child from a different racial background from myself, I am excited to find that a feature length documentary has been produced and selected as  one of only 32 films selected out of 300 applicants to participate in Tribeca All Access 2007. Tribeca All Access is a "5 day event designed to foster relationships between film industry executives and filmmakers from traditionally underrepresented communities." All Access just concluded 3 days ago. 

The film I am talking about is,  Adopted: The New American Family.  This movie explores adoption from the perspective of parents who are adopting from China as well as from the perspective of an adult adoptee from Korea.  Here is a little clip from the movie.

The time is right for our underrepresented community to get a little recognition, respect, sensitivity and validation.  Lately, adoption has been catapulted into the collective consciousness of society by the media in sensational ways.  Celebrity's stories and products of ill taste, like the recently pulled, Urban Outfitters tee-shirt are what is forming public opinion rather than the real experiences of everyday people. 

I believe we need to heighten awareness for our sake and, more importantly, the sake of our children.  I have a project coming up very soon that I hope will empower families touched by adoption and foster care.   I am hoping this movie will come to our local independent movie theatre, actually I will see what I can do to get it here.  Looks like I have 2 projects on my hands now.
 

Also, of note to look forward to is the upcoming Ni Hao, Kai-Lan, new animated show that teaches young viewers Mandarin.  With more and more Asian awareness I hope that microagressions towards Asian Americans, adoptees, adoptive families and interracial couples can eventually be eradicated.  Yes, I do aspire to a more perfect world where the judgment of all people is based purely upon their character and nothing else.

Asian American Heritage month

Happy May Day!  I hope everyone has lovely flowers to look at.  My garden is starting to pop with blossoms.

Did you know that May is also Asian Pacific American Heritage Month?  We are going to celebrate by attending an event celebrating Asian cultures at our local art museum. 

As of 7:15 last night we still hadn't had dinner, we are late eaters but we usually know what we are making and have it underway by this time.  So I threw together some of some quick things to kick off the month, I prepared a medley of Asian food for dinner last night.   We had a little Japanese and Korean food.  I made udon noodle soup with shrimp and veggies with a little miso, steamed mandoos and rice flour buns, and of course we had kimchi as only a meigook saram can do (bought from the Korean grocer--house-made of course)!   Luckily all these things are staples for us so even though I am cursed with a lack of planning were able to have a nice meal.  With the nice dishes we have to serve and prepare these things in it makes it all look quite beautiful and authentic. 

It seems rather fitting that my wait to adopt my daughter from China would be around the same time that our country has set aside a month to recognize the contributions by those of Asian decent that have enhanced and influenced our culture and history.  While Asians make up only about 3% of the population I think it is important to recognize there heritage as we do African and Hispanic Americans. 

I am an Olympic junkie and my favorite speed skater, Apolo Anton Ohno was inducted into the Asian Hall of Fame in Seattle and yes I am guilty of watching dancing with the stars so I can watch him skate over the dance floor. 

I am going to use the next 1-2 years during this wait to try to educate myself more about Asian history and culture so I can give my daughter a connection to the country and continent of her origin.  I have a project coming up soon that I would like my readers to participate in so stay tuned for more details. 

In the meantime go eat some Asian food!