I am an aspiring adoptive mom, as we all know. Naturally, because my husband and have chosen adoption to grow our family, I support adoption. From reading this blog you have gleaned that I find it of utmost importance to raise our child, for whom we are waiting for through the Chinese adoption system, to know that she was adopted. We intend to instill an appreciation of her birth culture as well as adoptive culture. We will always respect and honor her birth parents whether we know who they are or not. I know that there will most likely be difficult discussions as she gets older and explores her identity. For these very reasons I want to be as open and inclusive of all aspects of her life starting from her birth through her adoption up through her growing into a young woman and beyond.
What can I say though about the story of Anna Mae He? I saw this on 20/20 on February 9 and it has been
stirring in my mind ever since I saw this report. My emotions and opinions on this case are very strong. What I saw...and heard... I cannot help but be enraged. How did this case go on for so long? How could a child be tossed around by supposed "grown-ups" in such a way? I don't want to pass blame but I can't help but ask, what were the "foster parents" thinking? How could this Memphis couple, with any kind of conscience or "fear of god" pry a child away from her birth parents with such malicious intent and believe that they were being loving towards her? How can they claim to love her when they taught her to fear her heritage and her birth parents who clearly loved and wanted her but had few choices to care for her (she was born prematurely to Chinese parents her on a student visa)? How could a U.S. justice system rule in favor of these manipulative people? In a country where there are continually stories of birth parents regaining custody of their children despite repeated charges of neglect, abuse, drug use etc. could a child have been kept from her birth parents for so long?
I watched this story in disbelief as her birth parents were continually denied the custody of their daughter but continued to fight for her for 8 years. I also cringed at the thought of taking an 8 year old from the only family she had known to live with her birth family, the Hes. I wondered what a mistake at Anna Mae's age this could be. Even though it seemed obvious that the birth parents were right and deserved custody, I wondered if it was best for the child. I wondered what impact this could have on her now and into the future.
As the story continued you see how she does adjust to her family and begins to voluntarily show interest in her Chinese heritage. I cried as her parents reached out to the the Bakers because they didn't want to just turn this part of her life off. I commend her birth parents for not forcing her to deny the first 8 years of her life but rather embraced the very people who made there life hell for so long. Now that the family has been deported back to China I think, but only time will tell, that not only was justice served but that returning her to her birth parents was the best decision. She will have a connection to her "foster" family as well as her birth family and culture.
I don't believe in instilling fear into a child, or denying a child their history. I believe that the Bakers were headed for big problems. What would they tell her when she got older and started to question her identity and roots? Little girls grow up and have big questions? How could they have answered the huge questions that inevitably would pass the lips of Anna Mae? Adolescence is difficult enough without a closet full of skeletons locked away by your "family".
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