Garden Variety Family

McCain adoption as political rhetoric?

I don't care what side of the aisle you stand on but for families touched by adoption we should all be enraged by the delivery of Cindy McCain's adoption message. Adoption rights, and public perceptions of adoption will never improve with the a self serving, halfwitted speech that Cindy McCain delivered at the Republican National Convention. Bridget was paraded at that convention as an icon of how wonderful her parents are. They should be ashamed. Their adoption story has changed over the last year and you'd think that by the time the convention came around they would have had time to deliver it in a tasteful way.

I guess we should be bowing to the McCains for being so selfless, after all they took in that poor pathetic sickly child. GIVE ME A BREAK! Can tooting one's horn get too loud? You'd think she was talking about a stray cat or something.

How much preparation do we as adoptive parents have to go through? We have to learn to be culturally sensitive and be "trained" to deal with the special needs of an adopted child. We have to consider what it is like to be ripped from a home culture and birth parents and dropped into a new one. It makes no difference if the child is an infant or teenager. We have to teach them to deal with ignorance of others and to stand up for themselves. But... what do you do when the number one offender is your mom!? How does Bridget feel about being paraded in front of America as a charity case. This must do great things for the adolescent ego. Our children shouldn't be made to feel indebted to us. Adoption is a privilege for a parent but if you watched that speech you'd think that Bridget herself should have given her mom a standing ovation.

When people find out we are adopting we often get a, "God bless you." or a "Those children will be so lucky." I venture to think that at some point, probably at many points, an adoptee is not going to feel so lucky or blessed they lost there birth parents, for goodness sake, how would that knowledge make you feel? I must step aside and say that I know that people mean well but I feel it is my duty to call it out, so that attitudes change. Imagine how so many public perceptions have changed towards various minority groups over the years because of education. (another post where I tackle the same issue) If I don't speak out on behalf of my child who will? The McCains seem to be spending all their time speaking on behalf of themselves. They are so high profile right now, they are missing a golden opportunity to champion and raise awareness about adoption and adoption rights but instead they are fishing for a gold star from us.

and this is the response to my Non-Mom complaint

Hello,

Thank you for contacting Teleflora.

This message is to confirm that we have blocked your email address from
receiving future promotional emails. Please note this process takes 4-5
business days to take effect.

It has been my pleasure to assist you and we look forward to serving
your floral needs in the future.

If you have any questions or concerns, please don’t hesitate to email us
at this address or contact us via phone at 800-835-3356.

Sincerely,

Kirby M
Teleflora

Obviously they didn't read my email. I will never have any floral needs that I will use Teleflora to fill.  And give me a blanketie-blank-blank break! "email us with concerns" ... Are they kidding? What the heck do they think this e-mail was? Uugh!

what a downer for the garden variety family

I just got an automatic e-mail from Teleflora because I have been a customer. As you can imagine I have decided to unsubscribe and no longer be a customer. What a downer for us who are just trying to be a Garden Variety Family. Before I did I sent them this letter:

I want to let you know why I am un-subscribing to your e-mails and plan to no longer be a Teleflora customer.

After the "America's Favorite Moms" contest blunder I feel I can find other ways of filling my flower-sending needs.

Knowing that Teleflora joined NBC and other major advertisers in a marketing ploy that belittled the work, love and status of Adoptive mother's I feel I can go elsewhere to find floral arrangements meant to "lift someone up".
By calling adoptive (as well as step mothers and caregiving grandmothers) NON-MOMS you certainly weren't concerned with uplifting or honoring these women who work just as hard to parent, love and protect their children as women who have had their children through their own pregnancy.

Alternative routes to motherhood do not constitute relationships that are "not" or any less than Mother/Child relationships created through the birthing process. I want to let you know that I have spent huge sums of money, filled out tons of paperwork, expended immeasurable emotional energy, worried, hoped, and prayed on my route to adoption. I have waited a year to adopt after spending 6 months to complete the paperwork and jump through the hoops required to adopt a child. I am only a third of the way through my wait for a child as I am caught in the China Adoption waiting pattern. I have not done all this, to have someone, or the someones involved in this contest, to be called be a NON-MOM some day. I am expecting a child and therefore I am an expecting mom. It's difficult as it is because already people don't view me as "expecting" because I am not pregnant. I don't need major marketing campaigns further reinforcing the belittlement of my situation.  I must take this opportunity to educate you that a non-mom would be someone who is abusive, purposefully neglectful or worse to the young people they are supposed to protect. These are the people who have "earned" this title.

Adoption rights and etiquette towards adoptees have come a long way since the shroud of secrecy of the 40s through the 70s. Motherhood is about being a caregiver, consoler, educator etc. As adoptive parents we have other hurdles to deal with and that is of public opinion and understanding. You have just pigeonholed not just mothers but children who have always had to deal with being pigeonholed in a "less than" or "different" category.  By "correcting" the problem and maintaining the category under the name of "Adopting Moms" you continued to separate these mothers from the single, working, military, COE categories (why the categories? I don't understand. How many women fall in many or all of them --most!) "Adopting" is not a permanent title. It is a process and it  doesn't go on forever. Adoption is a process like pregnancy when it is over you have a family in whatever configuration that may be. In my case: A mom, a dad and a beautiful child. 

This letter will be appearing in my blog. I am one of those "future" mommy bloggers. I don't have a child yet but already there is so much for this mom-to-be to blog about, and advocate for. 

Their flowers are probably full of dangerous pesticides anyway.

it's that time again

Yes, yes it is that time again. That time when it becomes clear that I need to remind you - those who read my blog to let me know you stopped by. I know you are reading, I have statistical data, I see the searches that bring you here. I know you are LURKING! I have blogs that quote me but it is funny that they find what I say so valuable to mention me in their blogs yet they don't even let me know they have done so. Seems if it is good enough for your blog it must be good enough to give me a "Hell yeah!", a "Right on, Sista!", or a "I feel your pain". Throw me a bone, people. I comment on your sites, not all the time but I make my presence known. This lurking is like coming up to the door, ringing the bell and running without even leaving me any treats. Yes, I work from home and as you may know I am waiting ... still ... for my child who will make my life as hectic and as colorful as the rest of you mommy bloggers out there. No, I don't have stories of puke on my shoes, or poop balls on the stairs. I have no amazing stories of a swearing 2-year-old or movies of a little one being dragged around the house by the cat's tail.

Did I say that I am waiting? Yep I think I did. I am waiting for all this, er, fun. But back to the waiting, yeah I have time, so I am writing this blog. So a "hi" will do, or some empathy or a "wait till this happens". I generally have time to read all those comments. Don't ring and run... say "hi". I haven't bitten anyone yet.

PS. I actually do have a puke on my shoe story. While in the waiting room at my 5 year old nieces dance class I bounce, make funny faces in the mirror and otherwise amuse my 6 month old niece. Actually we are the entertainment for all the parents waiting there with us. Clara has everyone wrapped around her chubby dimpled hands. While we we having a particularly good giggle she looked over my shoulder puked into my purse that was hanging from my elbow. I had no idea but some father was kind enough to let me know. Everyone thought it was so cute. I cleaned myself up or so I thought until the next day when I found a splot on my shoe. It was a sweet little reminder of my little cutie that made me smile when I was alone. And while you may not be as cute, you too can make me smile while I wait for all the kid fun to begin.

and your point is...

I got this picture in one of those viral e-mails with  gratuitous cute animal pictures. I love ducks, they are adorable, but the caption... it implies that adoption is something negative, that being adopted is something less or deficient.

My response: my darling, you were hatched just like all of your friends, just like me, just like your siblings.

Being adopted into a family is as wonderful as being born into one. It is just as joyous, just as miraculous.

I suppose I am coming across as overly sensitive. But truly I am just seizing and educational moment.

are you lurking?

Over the past several weeks I have spoken to several family members and friends and during our conversations it comes up that they have been reading my blog.  I am thrilled that people are reading it, yay!!!  Bummed that no one lets me know, boooo!  I need your comments and feedback!  I am new to blogging as I am sure many of you are also.  I have been known to read blogs without commenting as well.  I've done a little research and what what we are all doing is something called "lurking".   It is kinda like hiding behind a rack of clothes in a department store listening to someone's conversation without them even knowing you are there. Check out this post from Blogging 101, about lurking. 

You don't have to say anything earth shaking...just let me know you are there.

Thanks, for reading.  More news coming soon.